A Proclamation: Harry Browne

Proclamation from the Office of An Taoiseach

Given the unprecedented, grotesque, and unusual circumstances provoked by the recent “Emergency” in Ukraine (Most people think it’s a war but in Ireland we don’t do wars. We do emergencies) We find ourselves faced with a set of dire circumstances with the onset of Winter.

There is an upcoming shortage of fuel, particularly gas to warm our homes and drive our electricity turbines. We are facing the loss of our older citizens and our babies as we won’t be able to heat our homes due to hypothermia.

Mr Harry Browne, citizen of this State has come up with a solution to this extreme catastrophe.

To put it at its simplest, we are ignoring a huge waste of a precious resource, generated in vast quantities here in Ireland and allowing it to escape into the environment, causing untold troubles. METHANE.

For the duration of this emergency all sources of this precious gas will be harvested and distributed at need through the National Gas Grid.

This means, of course that all domestic animals will have to be fitted with a reclamation nappy so that any emissions will be gathered and fed into the grid.

All citizens will also be expected to contribute their emissions to the central grid and pending the construction of a nationwide system of collection each individual will be expected to deliver his or her own sealed bag of emissions to a central, district collection point on a weekly basis.

The release of our emissions into the environment, otherwise known as farting, will be considered a crime against society, and punished most severely. The old slogan is most appropriate here:

Save Energy, Fart in a Can

1 Comment

  1. Shea

    Dear Citizen Brown,
    There are serious concerns this scheme will backfire!

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